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This page created 12 Feb 2002.
Last modified 12 Dec 2005.



Gay Stuff

Since I'm not sure who is going to be reading this, let me start with the basics.  Being gay is a part of who I am, much in the same way as I am a male with brown hair and brown eyes who has always been good in math and science.  It is not my total self, it does not singlehandedly define who I am, yet it is an inseparable part of me and who I am.  As far back as I can remember, even before I realized it or understood it, I have always been gay.

Unfortunately, in today's society, many people do not understand what being gay is about.  In part, it is about a physical attraction toward members of the same sex, but no more so than being straight is about a physical attraction toward members of the opposite sex.  For most people, being gay is about a desire to find a soul mate, and to fall in love with that soul mate; to build a happy, healthy, wholesome, and meaningful life together with the one you love; to nurture a family together; and to grow old together in peace and happiness -- just as most straight people hope to do -- the only difference is in the detail of whom you fall in love with.

I can remember being attracted to guys at as young an age as 10 years, but I was never physically attracted to girls.  At first, I didn't realize I was different from most people, and that some people might judge me for who I was attracted to, and later, for who I would fall in love with.  After I realized I was different and came to understand what it meant, in today's society, I chose to hide who I was, even from my closest friends and my parents.  It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but for many years, it seemed easier than my only alternative: being honest.

Finally, after my first year at college, I could bear secrecy no longer, and I came out -- first, to a few of my closest friends, then to my classmates, and finally to my parents.  (When I told my parents, I had also prepared a letter for them, in case I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say.  As it turns out, I got to say pretty much everything I wanted to say, but I gave them the letter anyway.  I know the letter has helped them.)  Everyone I told took it well -- this may have been in part due to the patience and forethought with which I told each person, but in most cases I should give those people credit for being openminded enough to unconditionally accept me for who I am.  Over the following five years, I came out to my entire family, and to my family's friends.

Soon after completing my undergrad, I found and fell in love with the most wonderful person in the whole world.  Nick and I have been together since August 16th, 2000, and three years later, on August 9th, 2003, we got married in Santa Monica. Although the marriage itself does not have any legal standing at the moment, it was a beautiful ceremony that had tremendous symbolic meaning to us and to all of our loved ones, and we hope to someday also be married in the eyes of the law.  I'm truly lucky to have met such a wonderful, kind, intelligent, sensitive, and funny person as Nick, and we look forward to spending the rest of our lives together.