Hi Pat,
   This is my modified version of Paul Hertz's change list.  If you already
implemented some or all of Paul's changes, you can look at the other
file hertz-no.txt which just lists the changes where my final recommendation
differed from Paul's.
	 Sterl

>Date: Tue, 12 Nov 2002 00:21:25 -0500
>From: Paul Hertz <phertz@hq.nasa.gov>
Here are my suggested edits for the Roadmap.  I have divided them into 3 
categories.

First:  Changes to layout and graphics.  I suggest that Pat and Mary-Pat 
start working on these right away.  Sterl should weigh in immediately if 
he objects to any of them.
[no objections -Sterl]

Second: Changes that I consider very important and not just typos or 
wording improvements.  Sterl should object to these only if there is a good 
reason.
[OK except 5 small modifications noted -Sterl]

Third (the largest category): Suggestions for improving the text as well as 
correcting a few mistakes and typos.
[Moderately edited modifications to most noted -Sterl]


CHANGES TO GRAPHICS ELEMENTS / layout
[all ok -Sterl]

p.5 - can't read text in sidebar
p.5 - remove numbers from three elements; remove quotes from Einstein Great 
Observatories & Einstein Probes; make title of each element bold (Einstein 
Great Observatories, Einstein Probes, Programs of technology development 
and research)
p.7 - too much bold text.  try it in normal font.
p.10 - Layout tables in a manner that explicitly connects them to the NASA 
Strategic Plan.  Between the title and the first science objective, add 
"NASA Agency Goal: Explore the Solar System and the Universe beyond."
p.11 - Figure at bottom of page: remove "MAP Simulation" title; add caption 
"Simulation of the map of the cosmic microwave background that is being 
obtained by NASA's Microwave Anisotropy Probe (MAP)."
p.14 - First paragraph in LISA: reconnect "mo- tion", the layout looks funny
p.18 - BOX.  Can we add a little drawing of GLAST, just like the drawing of 
MAP on page 11?  (There are lots of drawings on 
http://glast.gsfc.nasa.gov/resources/images/gallery/index.html)
p.22 - BOX.  If there is room, can we add a Chandra image and a little 
drawing of Chandra, just like the drawing of MAP on page 11?  (There are 
lots of drawings on 
http://www.chandra.harvard.edu/resources/illustrations/craftIllustrations.html 
-- I like number 5a.)  For the Chandra image, I suggest the Galactic Center 
mosaic (http://www.chandra.harvard.edu/photo/2002/gcenter/index.html)
p.26 and p.27 - SIDEBARS.  The title "Runaway Universe" should be in the 
same font and case in both sidebars.  I prefer Runaway Universe to RUNAWAY 
UNIVERSE.
p.34 - The colored sidebar should not come up so high as it interferes with 
the large graphic.
p.52 - approximately here [I think they should go at end, p. 54 so as not to 
break up text; note also my -MAJOR CORRECTIONS- to the charts sent to Paul
+Paul for implementation...], add the two charts that show technology roadmaps 
for the vision missions.
p.62 - Layout tables in a manner that explicitly connects them to the NASA 
Strategic Plan.  Between the title and the first science objective, add 
"NASA Agency Goal: Explore the Solar System and the Universe beyond."
p.64 - lower the top of the green SIDEBAR and then center the caption box 
under the graphic.
p.69 - BOX.  delete the color-coded key bar from the image, it doesn't help

IMPORTANT CHANGES
[OK except as noted -Sterl]

p.1 - spell out SEU on title page
p.7 - remove "Beyond Einstein:" from title of Chapter 3
p.8 - in title of Appendix A, change "Mission Activities" to "Investigations"
p.8 - delete from Table of Contents the subheadings for Appendix E.  leave 
just the main Appendix E in Table of Contents.
p.10 - Add RFA 2 to Objective 3 (just like Appendix A).
p.10 - Rename "Objectives" to "Science Objectives" (both in table title and 
in table body).
p.13 - Box at bottom of page, does permission statement need to go here or 
can it go at the back of the book?
p.19 - BOTTOM SIDEBAR.  delete the date "1936".  none of the other quotes 
have dates.
p.21 - Time magazine caption: Is it necessary to disclaim any connection 
with NASA?
p. 31 -Quotation in sidebar should be in sans-serif font like other
 quotes.
p.32 - NEW PARAGRAPH goes before 'The Einstein Probes' section:
[as shorted by Sterl]
"Both Constellation-X and LISA are critical to the goals of the 
{\it Beyond Einstein} program.  One of these great observatories will begin 
development at the beginning of the program, and the other will begin 
development approximately 3 years later.  NASA will determine the
order based on science priority, technological 
readiness, and programmatic considerations."
p.33 - NEW PARAGRAPH goes before 'Technology and Theory' section:
[as shortened by Sterl]
"The order in which the Einstein Probes are flown will be determined by both 
science priority and technological readiness.  
NASA will conduct mission concept studies for 
the Einstein Probes in order to assess
mission concepts for each Einstein Probe, and to  
evaluate their technical needs. These studies, proposed and conducted 
by community-based collaborations, will be fully competed, and
will provide the information necessary to define the technology program
and later set the launch order for the Einstein Probes."

p.36 - BOX.  Make the first "Constellation-X" bold.
p.37 - BOX.  Make the first LISA bold.
p.38 - GRAPHIC.  (a) relabel the LISA bar
current:  LISA (ESA/     suggested:  LISA
            NASA,                   (NASA/ESA,
            2010)                     2010)
(b) remove comma after TAMA
p.47 - [Sterl] DO NOT remove "Beyond Einstein:" from title of Chapter 3
 [Sterl] We need to distinguish from Chapter 7. Instead change
 title of Chapter 3 to "Technology Roadmap: Beyond Einstein", and on
 p. 77, change title of Chapter 7 to "Technology Roadmap: Cycles of Matter
 and Energy".
p.88 - delete SIDEBAR -it repeats p.26.  
p.93 - in title of Appendix A, change "Mission Activities" to "Investigations"
p.101 - Need to add a "For further information contact" and an e-mail.  How 
about "info@universe.gsfc.nasa.gov" or make up a better one and get it 
implemented ("beyond-einstein@nasa.gov")
p.103 - Put Rocky Kolb on the Roadmap Team with the rest of SEUS.  He 
should not be ex-officio.

SUGGESTED WORDING CHANGES SUBJECT TO STERL'S JUDGEMENT
p.5 - in bottom paragraph, change "propels" to [Sterl change] "amplifies"
p.12 - The picture at the top needs a caption [Sterl change]
"Quantum fluctuations during 
the Big Bang are imprinted in gravitational waves, the cosmic microwave 
background and in the structure of today's Universe.  
Studying the Big Bang means detecting those imprints."
p.12 - At end of second full paragraph on page, change "to create the Big 
Bang" to [Sterl changed] "to power the Big Bang"
p.12 - [Sterl Changed] Change Caption of Chandra Deep Field image to: 
"Most of the X-ray sources seen in this 12-day exposure by the
Chandra X-ray Observatory are active galaxies and 
quasars powered by massive black holes. Ground-based observations show that
many of them are shrouded by dust; many others remain unidentified, invisible
except in X-rays."
p.14 - Second paragraph on page, change [Sterl Changed]
"study the expansion closely enough" to 
"measure the expansion accurately enough"
p.14 - Second paragraph on page mentions "string theory."  This is too 
technical for the subway pitch.  [Sterl Changed] change
"string theory" to "modern unified theories of the forces of nature"
p.14 - First line in 'The Beyond Einstein Program': change "towards the 
visions" to "towards the twin visions"
p.14 - Same paragraph, last sentence, change "enable the vision missions" 
to "enable missions that realize the twin visions of the Beyond Einstein 
program"
p.14 - First paragraph in 'The Beyond Einstein Program': remove the 
sentence "Alone, no single mission can solve the profound questions that 
confront us."
p.16 - First full paragraph: change "finding targets for Constellation-X" 
to [Sterl changed]
"revealing the demographics and life cycles of black holes, and 
identifying black holes for study with Constellation-X"
p.17 - Second paragraph of 'Ultimate Vision': replace "Unlike the frozen...
primordial gravitational waves." by
[Sterl Modified]
"In contrast to the Inflation Probe's measurement of frozen imprints
of much longer waves on the microwave background, the Big Bang Observer
will observe gravitational waves in their original form,
from still earlier in the Big Bang."
p.17 - BOX.  [Sterl reshuffled words]
Last paragraph should start "Japan/NASA's {\it Astro-E2}
will be the first to use NASA-provided micro-calorimeters that are
prototypes for Constellation-X detectors.  NASA's ST-7 and ESA's ..."
p.18 - Technology paragraph.  
move last 
sentence "The Einstein ... chosen." to be before the second to last 
sentence "The vision missions ... control."
p.19 - TOP SIDEBAR.  after "and wire stories" add
"in its first 3 years of operation" to the Chandra 
press counts.
p.19 - second sentence of Einstein's Legacy: change "understanding through" 
to "Einstein's quest through"
p.19 - third sentence of Einstein's Legacy: delete "far" from "In the far 
future"
p.22 - Last paragraph: drop "Fortunately" at beginning (previous paragraph 
also starts with "Fortunately").
p.23 - SIDEBAR.  Change "we will refer" to [Sterl shortened] "we refer"
p.23 - TOP BOX.  end of first paragraph: change to "... no anything else: 
physicists say that 'black holes have no hair.'"  beginning of second 
paragraph: change to "Because of this no-hair rule, ..."
p.23 - first paragraph, semicolon after "distant future" should be a comma
p.25 - SIDEBAR.  What does "AEI-ZIB" mean?
 [Albert Einstein Institut-Konrad-Zuse-Zentrum fuer Informationstechnik Berlin]
 As in marked up pdf, should probably say "Courtesy AEI-ZIB" or
 Courtesy the spelled out name, or possibly "Courtesy E. Seidel and W. Benger"
 (the PI's).
p.28 - BOX.  Near bottom it says that neutrinos have as much mass as 
stars.  On previous page the pie chart says that there are 67% more stars 
than neutrinos.  Suggest change here to "nearly as much mass"
p.31 - BOX.  near end, delete "of many" to make "a key component of the 
Einstein Probes"
p.32 - change the second bullet "Search for the signature..." to
"Search for the imprint of gravitational waves from
inflation in the polarization of the cosmic microwave background."  
p.35 - BOX.  After (i), "All" should be capitalized.
p.42 - BOX.  Replace beginning of first sentence
"To detect the gravitational wave...with sensitivity" by
"To detect the effect of gravitational waves from inflation on the polarization
of the CMB will require all-sky polarization maps with sensitivity..."
p.43 - BOX.  Replace "flux sensitivity (20-100 keV, 5s, 1y)" 
by "the 5 sigma flux sensitivity in a 1 year survey at 20-100 keV"
[sigma should be the greek letter, not spelled out].
p.44 - SIDEBAR.  "K. Thorne" should be "Kip Thorne"
p.51 - second to last paragraph, delete the sentence "Below are some of
the relevant technologies."
p.53 - SIDEBAR.  interferometry is misspelled.
 [yes, but in marked up pdf I deleted the sidebar and
 whole box -figure is absolutely
 awful [what is "pixel"!?] Ok to show pretty pictures of equipment
 but not the graph, please! -Sterl]
p.56 - BOX.  Caption should be changed: "BOOMERanG" [lower case an] and
change "analysis program" to "analysis program were 
obtained from suborbital balloon flights and provided"
p.57 - (a) remove quotes from "next generation of explorers", (b) do not 
capitalize education
p.62 - Rename "Objectives" to "Science Objectives" (both in table title and 
in table body).
p.63 - SIDEBAR.  After Fowler, add "Nobel Prize, 1983"
p.67 - BOX.  Change first sentence of caption to "The infrared acuity of 
a space-based ... circles) is superimposed ...
p.67 - first paragraph.  drop "(next generation)" from JWST
p.69 - BOX.  in the caption change "the Compton Observatory" to "NASA's 
Compton Gamma-Ray Observatory"
p.71 - middle paragraph. drop "(next generation)" from JWST
p.72 - IMAGE.  needs a longer caption.  replace "Artist conception of 
accreting binary" with "In this artist's conception, a neutron star accretes 
material torn from its stellar companion."
p.83 - (a) GALEX launch date is "early 2003". (b) remove "The" from in 
front of SPIDR 
p.83 delete last sentence "But we are sure...influential."
p.85 Brenner Sidebar. Add "Nobel Prize, 2002"
p.89 - paragraph 5, change "exported" to "shared"
p.91 - last paragraph.  delete some words so second-to-last sentence 
becomes "These missions will follow matter to the very brink of black holes 
and detect "particles of time" left over from the beginning of the Universe."
p.97 - DoE should be DOE
p.97 - no italics on ROSAT definition
p.99 - in Cosmic Microwave Background, change "believed" to be "left over from"
p.103 - Weinberg SIDEBAR.  Add "Nobel Prize, 1979"