"Why Immanuel Kant wouldn't receive tenure in <__(my)__> Dept..."

- He's already mid-career and he doesn't have any publications.
- His best teaching evaluations are from a silly summer course
  about Fireworks.
- His writing style is difficult to understand.
- ... and nobody on the Committee could figure out what he was trying to say.
- Is what he's doing really Philosophy?
- None of his outside letters are from big names at major universities.
- He has not focused his research on a single area ... he seems to
  be writing about everything.
- (Off the record -- I know I'm not supposed to say this, but ... doesn't
  he seem a little, um, Strange?  Y'know, he isn't even Married... oops,
  forget I ever said that, its probably illegal...)